PHAIC TAN JETLAG TRAVEL GUIDE SPOOF HILARIOUS BOOK

For the first-time Western visitor, a trip to Phaic Tan can be a genuine assault on the senses – an overwhelming explosion of sights, sounds, tastes, smells and strange colonic movements. But most agree that once you spend some time in this tropical paradise it has a strange way of getting into your blood.*

Peace at Last
Sadly, for far too long, the very name Phaic Tan has come to be associated with atrocities, poverty and bloodshed. This, combined with sub-standard duty-free shopping opportunities, has understandably limited the number of travellers visiting the country. But after years of bitter conflict, Phaic Tan is finally a nation at peace, with armed hostilities now confined to just a few northern provinces and the Bumpattabumpah Casino. Throughout the land citizens – who for years served in underground militia units – have at last downed their weapons and are now welcoming overseas visitors with an open arm.

Land of Contrasts
Phaic Tan is truly a beguiling land of contrasts, where traffic police wear face masks but surgeons rarely do, a country where littering is an indictable offence yet landlords may legally use torture to extract overdue rent, a nation that boasts the world’s highest number of amputees per head of population yet, paradoxically, has never won a medal at the Para Olympic Games.
Visitors to Phaic Tan also vary widely – from the ubiquitous backpacker drawn by the lure of untouched tropical beaches and 24-hour foot massage facilities – to the discerning luxury traveller keen to indulge in some of the world’s most exclusive coastal resorts, five-star retreats so luxurious that staff are sacked daily just to maintain freshness.
Such is the magic of Phaic Tan that many who come, intending to stay for a week, never manage to leave (see our section on Narcotics – Penalties for).